A glimpse into the life of a hoarder. . .
Having a lot of stuff, a lot of clutter, can itself lead to buying more things. You’d think having a lot would keep you from buying more. What could you need? You already own it all, right?
Maybe. Who knows? 90% of the stuff I own is either inaccessible, because it’s lost behind the 10% I can get to, or it’s not where I’d think to look for it. If it’s clothing then it probably needs to be cleaned even if it’s just been cleaned because it’s gotten pushed onto the floor by other things or stepped on by dogs or both. There are things I know I own, that I want to use, and I have no idea where they are.
For example, my husband bought me a camera for xmas, and I’d like to put it in a camera bag. Until I do, I don’t feel comfortable taking it anywhere because I’m incredibly clumsy. I actually own a nice camera bag given to me by my parents as a graduation gift. They gave me an entire camera setup, so in that bag is a nice lens I can use on my new camera. So I would love to find this camera bag. I ended up ordering myself a camera bag without even looking for the old one. I at least ordered a different type of bag that will be more convenient for daily use, but I wouldn’t have felt so much pressure to do that if I’d had the old one. It would be great to be able to just poke few a through rooms in the house, maybe check the attic, and then find the bag. But that’s not the reality I live with. To find this bag, I essentially need to declutter a house, because I can’t physically get into areas to search them. I have to take all of the crap in front of and on top of other things, and move those bags and boxes to another area to be able to look underneath them. And that, of course, is just re-creating the problem in a new location.
I have put myself in a situation where I can’t get to the things I want to use because I haven’t gotten rid of the stuff I don’t use. And when I try to, it all seems like stuff that I might need some day, or it’s so cute that I’d love to use it, or wouldn’t this make a cute gift for so and so who I don’t even see or talk to on a regular basis, or it would be irresponsible to just throw this into a landfill so I should find it a good home, or blah blah blah reasons!
I struggle with not spending money, with not acquiring things just because it makes me feel better, happier. I have too much debt to keep going on in this way. I’m slowly making changes, but sometimes it feels as if trying to turn onto a better path ends up with me smacking into a wall. Want to use what you already own as a way to not spend money you don’t have? Good luck finding anything, you hoarder! If you find it, it’s probably in such poor condition from being in your hoardery hoarder’s house that you’re going to have to replace it anyway. Take out the debit card.
And then it’s too overwhelming to deal with and I just ignore it all. Again.